Meeting someone in person after months and months of communication feels like it would be very stressful. Luckily I didn’t have that trouble. I was very happy with the communication I was having, as my life is still very complicated. I was content with the everyday texting, every couple of days phone calls, surprise emails and my weekly Skype dates. Although this man has become a constant in my thoughts, I felt safe knowing that he is far away and I can protect myself from getting hurt. Your heart and trust is never the same after a failed marriage. I have built these walls up that I only allow a certain amount of penetration, enough to make me smile but not to get hurt. Maybe with him I have allowed him in a little more knowing that he is a childhood friend but at the same time I feel that I should protect myself. It all feels great and very innocent but I do know when the heart becomes fond a lot can happen.
I’ve started wearing my smile all the time. I would get a rush of excitement when my phone alerted me of a text message. I became more interested in hearing about his business and travels and little things that he did throughout the day. He would Skype me at every hotel he checked into for business before his meetings, got me magnets for my collection of all the countries he visits. I was very surprise that he remembered about my magnet collection as I had only mention it once to him that I would love to travel the world and collect magnets to where I’ve been. The little things he does makes me feel very special, almost like a damn teenager again. I felt like I was accompanying him, fascinated now with all his travels I wasn’t prepared for his next trip.
A knock on my door approximately 8.10pm, a cool spring Thursday night. My dogs went berserk at the knock. I got up quickly from my comfy recliner, rushed to the door so I could send whoever on their way so the dogs could stop barking, as I looked through the peep hole, I’m in freaking shock. Oh my god! The thoughts that went through my mind,the butterflies in my tummy, I had goosebumps. When I open the door there was a bit of silence, he stared at me and tears of I don’t know what the fuck is going on, all I felt is his hands around me. A good few minutes he just held me before he came in. I felt very shy and in an ‘oh my god’ phase. I’m all smiles, I didn’t know how to act or what to do. With a silly smirk he said ‘ hi ‘ in his sexy accent broke the ice and I just had to hug him again.
Unbelievable, he is here settling after his flight having a shower, while I fix a light snack for him. We sat for hours and hours talking till we both was too tired and he retired for the night. The next morning I’m always up early, having my coffee feeling a bit anxious having a guest. I couldn’t wait for him to wake up and peeped in on him laying still, the light coming through the curtains shone on his skin. I felt a tingle going through my body as he awakens. A smile and a husky good morning, best sound I have heard in a long time. As he got himself together shower and dress for breakfast I waited for him patiently. Tea of coffee?
He had this look, a smirk he softly said ‘You’. The tone in his voice gave me goosebumps, I felt a tingle going through my body, as he walked towards me I stood there unable to move. His hands cupped my face and very gently he kissed my lips, and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his warm body his breath on my neck as he hugged me. My hands wrapped around him loosen as I run my fingers on his back, he kissed me again, passionately. I felt like my body wasn’t mine, and I have no control of what is happening. I’m lost in his kisses and before I know it we both in the spare bedroom. In that moment all walls were broken, all trust issues on hold, we were in a world where just the two of us existed.
If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.