Love letter

imageTo my sweet love,

I have not written a letter of this kind since I was in high school, which I tore up several times because the words may not have been exactly what I wanted to say or the fear of embarrassing myself. You read it correctly, high school!!!

Twenty four years later……I’m writing a love letter to you, not having any fear of embarrassment, but a smile on my face and a flow of warm thoughts. By the time you discover this letter, you would be the last to read it.

As a child, I had imagine what I wanted for my life, my career choice, my wedding dress and my perfect guy. Things don’t always go as we plan, I’m living proof of it. Today, years and years later, everything I imagined as a child I have seen in you and in us. You have touched me with words where your hands can’t reach, you have made me smile everyday since we met.You excite me in every way possible, your gentle kisses, the touch of your fingers on my skin, you take me to a place where just you and I exist. This experience is very new for me, and I promise to not take it for granted, which so many things we do. I’m diving in without any fear or negativity, which for some may be a silly idea but when it feels right you know. I’m never the one to be impulsive or to reach for the stars but with your love and encouragement you make me feel like anything is possible. You show me everyday that my faults are beautiful, that my silly behavior is most attractive, that my laughter is addicting and my heart is protected. You have awaken my soul, and given me peace. You have given me what most dream to have in a lifetime in short time. Thank you for making me happier, for making my childhood imagination a reality and most of all for loving me just the way I am.

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard but must be felt with the heart.

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Truth about Friendship

image.jpegFriendship is a beautiful union between two. True friendship is a relationship that has love, loyalty, respect, trust and remains unconditional. I have had a craving for friendship, and it all started, because I felt like I was the black sheep of my family. Not having the best relationship with my siblings, which I think is the first place we learn about friendship, the closeness that you see with other families. I yearned to have that, which probably makes me very vulnerable to open my heart to most people that enter in. I have to say that’s one of my weak point. I love to see the good in people, not one to pass judgement, not one to put my foot in their shoes, just to see the good. Today we are challenge by the meaning of friendship. We are put in impossible situations, to question if what you share is genuine or not. Over the years my craving have been slightly curbed. I have discovered that categorizing friendship can be of great importance. Maybe I’m going to be judged, for having to put friendship in categories, but we all do it just we are afraid to say it.

A friend who calls to say hello, don’t ask how you or your family is doing after months, but then in the same breath they invites themselves to your home. Friend for vacation use, save on hotel fees.

A friend who sees something on social media and calls then to find out who pisses  you off, who did something to hurt you or if you met someone. Friend that minding your business.

A friend who calls only to gossip of someone else, whom you both know. They are confident in you not to say anything .          Friend who is an informant.

Friend who calls you up for a nightcap, because they feel comfortable to have intimate relationship, satisfying their needs and yours as well. Friend with special benefits.

Friend who calls, text, you for no reason, ask about you and your day, your kids, your pets. To share a silly story or what they ate. Just to ole talk, laugh, lift you up, wipe your tears, always there even if they live cross country. A friend who is genuine.

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only a true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

 

Beautiful Surprise

imageMeeting someone in person after months and months of communication feels like it would be very stressful. Luckily I didn’t have that trouble. I was very happy with the communication I was having, as my life is still very complicated. I was content with the everyday texting, every couple of days phone calls, surprise emails and my weekly Skype dates. Although this man has become a constant in my thoughts, I felt safe knowing that he is far away and I can protect myself from getting hurt.  Your heart and trust is never the same after a failed marriage. I have built these walls up that I only allow a certain amount of penetration, enough to make me smile but not to get hurt. Maybe with him I have allowed him in a little more knowing that he is a childhood friend but at the same time I feel that I should protect myself.  It all feels great and very innocent but I do know when the heart becomes fond a lot can happen.

I’ve started wearing my smile all the time. I would get a rush of excitement when my phone alerted me of a text message. I became more interested in hearing about his business and travels and little things that he did throughout the day. He would Skype me at every hotel he checked into for business before his meetings, got me magnets for my collection of all the countries he visits. I was very surprise that he remembered about my magnet collection as I had only mention it once to him that I would love to travel the world and collect magnets to where I’ve been. The little things he does makes me feel very special, almost like a damn teenager again. I felt like I was accompanying him, fascinated now with all his travels I wasn’t prepared for his next trip.

A knock on my door approximately 8.10pm, a cool spring Thursday night. My dogs went berserk at the knock. I got up quickly from my comfy recliner, rushed to the door so I could send whoever on their way so the dogs could stop barking, as I looked through the peep hole, I’m in freaking shock. Oh my god! The thoughts that went through my mind,the butterflies in my tummy, I had goosebumps. When I open the door there was a bit of silence, he stared at me and  tears of I don’t know what the fuck is going on, all I felt is his hands around me. A good few minutes he just held me before he came in. I felt very shy and in an ‘oh my god’ phase. I’m all smiles, I didn’t know how to act or what to do. With a silly smirk he said ‘ hi ‘ in his sexy accent broke the ice and I just had to hug him again.

Unbelievable, he is here settling after his flight having a shower, while I fix a light snack for him.  We sat for hours and hours talking till we both was too tired and he retired for the night. The next morning I’m always up early, having my coffee feeling a bit anxious having a guest. I couldn’t wait for him to wake up and peeped in on him laying still, the light coming through the curtains shone on his skin. I felt a tingle going through my body as he awakens. A smile and a husky good morning, best sound I have heard in a long time. As he got himself together shower and dress for breakfast I waited for him patiently. Tea of coffee?

He had this look, a smirk  he softly said  ‘You’. The tone in his voice gave me goosebumps, I felt a tingle going through my body, as he walked towards me I stood there unable to move. His hands cupped my face and very gently he kissed my lips, and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his warm body his breath on my neck as he hugged me. My hands wrapped around him loosen as I run my fingers on his back, he kissed me again, passionately. I felt like my body wasn’t mine, and I have no control of what is happening. I’m lost in his kisses and before I know it we both in the spare bedroom. In that moment all walls were broken, all trust issues on hold, we were in a world where just the two of us existed.

 

If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.

 

 

 

Distance Means nothing when two hearts become one!

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Distance means nothing when two hearts become one. Years ago  I had the most unexpected situation come up. I reconnected with a young man that grew up houses away from where I lived. Timing was perfect as I was getting over a broken marriage and thought I could have some fun with this person, a distraction if you will, what could go wrong, him being in a different country. Growing up in the same area meant that we knew the same people, our home accents kicked in whenever we spoke, we had the same slangs. It felt great having someone to talk to, we both got to know each other lives and didn’t judge, we had things in common  that drew us closer. As time went by we found ourselves not being able to go a few days without talking and texting. I found myself laying in bed thinking about this man, the gentleness in his voice.

One rainy day we sat before our computers on Skype no video chat, having a conversation and something incredible happen, this man saw right through me, he told me what I was feeling, he saw my tears streaming down my cheeks without seeing me and there and then we both knew that there was more to us than friends. Curiosity started to build up, the last we saw eacthother we were kids just seventeen years old. I was a bit shy not very confident in my body having two kids, gain weight so it was a nervous moment to make a decision to see him.

Our first Skype video chat, I had butterflies. I was so nervous. In as long as I could remember I never felt so freaking anxious. When our video call went through, we both sat there smiling at eacthother, not saying a word. It was an incredible moment. I wish that I could have reach over and hugged him. The longer we video chat,the more we texted and talked, our feelings were becoming stronger and we both wanted to see each other in person. Was it what I expected in the very beginning “NO” but it was exactly what I needed. The time is here, long waited to finally meet my very best friend, what feels like my soulmate if there is such a thing.

Together forever, never apart. Sometimes in distance but never in heart. 

?????

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Beautiful Tuesday morning, woke up feeling great. I had my day all planned out. I decided to make a pit stop on social media while I sip my coffee. All the inspirational quotes, friends and family updates, funny pictures, as I scroll down the news about a beautiful soul, high school acquaintance of many years gone to heaven, left behind a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids. A rush of sadness went through my body and immediate gone blank with only two questions how and why?

For many years those two question dangle in my mind when theirs  tragedy. I would often ask “Why God” or “How could God allow this to happen.” I never really got answers even when I tried to learn about religion. First I do believe, I know I didn’t drop from the sky or came out of a test tube but I do question why God allows these tragedies to happen. I often hear my hubby saying God knew the beginning and the end, and he wanted to give us the choice to make decisions. If he knew the beginning and the end he would already know what will happen. He would know Mary would have to watch her son be nailed and stoned on a cross, he would know Satan would betray him, he would know of wars, rapes, murders, disasters and diseases so, the question is Why?

My only explanation, my opinion….. Will be a very controversial statement. If God knew the beginning and the end, he knew if he gave us choices what they would be, the future then WHY and HOW did he allow these tragedies.

I call God long suffering and patient precisely because he permits evil in the world. I know that there is no evil in him and yet if there  is evil he is the author of it and yet untouched by it.

Taking things for granted

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Not a writer, poet, blogger or any professional person but I am inspired to do and try most things. Sometimes in life we are unsure of our capabilities and instead of having a go at different things, we sulk and not even attempt to try anything and thus take things for granted. I’m attempting writing and realizing that I’m loving it, not great at it but  I’m not taking for granted that I have found great likeness for something and not putting it into practice. My life has somewhat changed recently, taking things for granted it’s not an option. Whether it’s waking up in the morning to a brand new day, having a hot meal, roof over my head, walk on the beach, breathing fresh air, let’s put our best foot forward, find our passion and never take for granted what we have and what we can do.

We take for granted how our mind puts everything together.

 

 

A cry for help

imageMy heart been touch by a personal situation, that keeps me up at night. Silent cries for help is hardly anything someone notices unless you been in that same place at one time in your life. Children behavior sometimes doesn’t always mean a tantrum, staying in the bedroom with no lights on doesn’t always mean they need quiet time, having an outburst doesn’t always mean they being disrespectful, playing videos games doesn’t always mean they are having fun but sometimes a cry for help!!!!

Personal story…… I have come across a beautiful soul as I see through my eyes, that causes my heart to shed tears. A child who has been abandon, who have experience the worse forms of verbal abuse, a mother saying ‘I don’t love you,’ A father who yells profanity at his frustrations toward the rebellious child, a sister who marely has conversations with a disrespectful brother. Shattering feelings must run through his veins daily at the voices he hear in his head. What thoughts goes through his mind when he is alone at night or playing violent video games. A perfect baby boy who didn’t ask to come into this world is now a child who goes unnoticed and is silently crying out for help through his words and actions. My mission is to let this child know he is loved, he is heard, he has a voice and he is not alone.

Whether by action or spoken word, parents are the implements that write the story of a child’s future!